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Jun 13

Hello, Father.
My heart is so heavy, and my eyes keep tearing up. My poor little 15+ year-old pomeranian — my constant companion for the past 12 years — is leaving us soon. You see, Lord. You know. I have set an appointment with the vet for tomorrow afternoon, to have him put down. He is weary, and I don’t want him to suffer. I read yesterday that by the time people start to seriously consider euthanasia, their pet is usually a lot more uncomfortable than they might suspect. I’ve been writing, Lord. Writing about all these crazy emotions I’m having. Loss. Am I doing the right thing? kinds of thoughts. And writing about Rusty’s ups and downs, his still-consistent desire to serve me, even while he can barely walk about. Help him be at peace and rest, my Lord.

Ecclesiastes 7:3-4 ERV

Sorrow is even better than laughter, because when our face is sad, our heart becomes good.
A wise person thinks about death, but a fool thinks only about having a good time.

I know I just used these verses recently, but I need them for comfort right now. I need to know that there is some purpose, some use in this heaviness of my heart, this loss, this grief. I guess somehow, it makes my heart good. I know I certainly could not be mean to anyone right now. It’s hard to see, anyways, because my eyes keep tearing up. I hear my little dog coughing, almost nonstop, and I feel reassurred that I am doing the right thing. But later, he wags his tail a little bit and looks at me with love in his eyes, and I wonder if I am overreacting. Still, he honestly does seem worse than ever, and much of the time he sounds, if not looks, uncomfortable. His tail is even down some times lately — more than ever. Lord, help my faithful little friend!


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