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Fran Lafferty

Fran Lafferty

I shall yet learn, and grow beyond the immaturity of adulthood. I shall again laugh, and learn the wisdom of a child.

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Jul 28

Father, I have such a chaos of emotion inside me this morning, that I can’t even sort it all out. I feel hurt, disappointment, helplessness, shame, and regret. I feel like the lowest person on the totem pole this morning, serving everyone around me, yet just wanting to sob with alone-ness. I pray that you make my Mate emotionally independent for a day or two while I deal with my own self and my own burdens. I need him to not NEED me while I have so much pressure inside and out. Please help him to stop being such a bully to other men, and show the stability and the Love of your Spirit instead. He cannot help me with my burden — but he can at least stop adding weight to my heart. Please, Lord — else I fear I will drown. 😥

 
Psalm 39 ERV

To the director, Jeduthun. A song of David. I said, “I will be careful about what I say. I will not let my tongue cause me to sin. I will keep my mouth closed when I am around wicked people.” 
So I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even say anything good, but I became even more upset. 
I was very angry, and the more I thought about it, the angrier I became. So I said something. 
LORD, tell me, what will happen to me now? Tell me, how long will I live? Let me know how short my life really is. 
You gave me only a short life. Compared to you, my whole life is nothing. The life of every human is like a cloud that quickly disappears. Selah 
Our life is like an image in a mirror. We rush through life collecting things, but we don’t know who will get them after we die. 
So, Lord, what hope do I have? You are my hope! 
Save me from the bad things I did. Don’t let me be treated like a fool. 
I will not open my mouth. I will not say anything. You did what should have been done. 
But please stop punishing me. You will destroy me if you do not stop. 
You punish people for doing wrong to teach them the right way to live. As a moth destroys cloth, you destroy what people love. Yes, our lives are like a small cloud that quickly disappears. Selah 
LORD, hear my prayer! Listen to the words I cry to you. Look at my tears. I am only a traveler passing through this life with you. Like all my ancestors, I will live here only a short time. 
Leave me alone and let me be happy before I am dead and gone. 

 
Father, I am sure that I must do MANY things wrong. I speak without thinking, without listening for your Spirit. I allow myself to feel scorned, rejected, and unsafe — even though I KNOW that you have not rejected me and are still faithfully caring for me. I feel stung by events and experiences that I share with only you. Often, I feel like the very least in your Kingdom, and I even feel like “garbage people” on this earth at times, still. I want to curl up in a ball and weep, shedding a tear for every minute I have poured myself into my work and my relationships… and to be honest, right now I just want to be DONE with it all. Only you see, only you know, and although I trust that to be ENOUGH to sustain me indefinitely, I still just feel crushed by the alone-ness of it all.
 
Lord, unlike David in the psalm above, I do NOT want you to leave me alone. But like David, I feel stung by the story you have written for me in this life… yet also like David, I know that YOU are my only HOPE. Help me to just hang in there, not giving up, and just TRUST that you are Faithful, and you will provide for ALL my needs — even those of my heart. You’ve never let me down, Lord. You ALWAYS make me strong enough to endure and to prosper. You have proven yourself worthy of my trust and my devotion. I will lift up my head and keep walking forward, stumble as I might. Please give your angels charge over me. Amen.

 
Psalm 91 ERV

You can go to God Most High to hide. You can go to God All-Powerful for protection. 
I say to the LORD, “You are my place of safety, my fortress. My God, I trust in you.”
 
God will save you from hidden dangers and from deadly diseases. 
You can go to him for protection. He will cover you like a bird spreading its wings over its babies. You can trust him to surround and protect you like a shield. 
You will have nothing to fear at night and no need to be afraid of enemy arrows during the day. 
You will have no fear of diseases that come in the dark or terrible suffering that comes at noon. 
A thousand people may fall dead at your side or ten thousand right beside you, but nothing bad will happen to you! 
All you will have to do is watch, and you will see that the wicked are punished. 
You trust in the LORD for protection. You have made God Most High your place of safety. 
So nothing bad will happen to you. No diseases will come near your home. 
He will command his angels to protect you wherever you go. 
Their hands will catch you so that you will not hit your foot on a rock. 

You will have power to trample on lions and poisonous snakes. 
The Lord says, “If someone trusts me, I will save them. I will protect my followers who call to me for help. 
When my followers call to me, I will answer them. I will be with them when they are in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. 
I will give my followers a long life and show them my power to save.” 

 
Lord, help me to FEEL your Wings over me, and to TRUST in your protection, your provision, and your heart toward me. I give you my trust, my life, my heart, my mind, my hands, my eyes, my work, my breath. I choose you. Amen.

 

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