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Fran Lafferty

Fran Lafferty

I shall yet learn, and grow beyond the immaturity of adulthood. I shall again laugh, and learn the wisdom of a child.

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May 26

Lord, I kinda feel like there is NOWHERE on this planet where I can actually be myself, speaking freely with a “kindred spirit”, not having to watch my stupid tongue… nowhere, except perhaps alone with you. I know other people try to accept me how I am, but sooooooooooooo much goes unseen, unspoken… and when I try to speak, it just backfires on me. I actually wish I could become mute, physically unable to speak. I would probably be a more likeable person.

James 3:6-12 ERV

The tongue is like a fire. It is a world of evil among the parts of our body. It spreads its evil through our whole body and starts a fire that influences all of life. It gets this fire from hell. 
Humans have control over every kind of wild animal, bird, reptile, and fish, and they have controlled all these things. 
But no one can control the tongue. It is wild and evil, full of deadly poison. 
We use our tongues to praise our Lord and Father, but then we curse people who were created in God’s likeness. 
These praises and curses come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, this should not happen. 
Do good water and bad water flow from the same spring? Of course not. 
My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree make olives? Or can a grapevine make figs? No, and a well full of salty water cannot give good water. 

Lord, only you know, only you see — again. What hurts more than anything else in the world right now is that I thought FINALLY my mother-in-law would visit during a time when my Mate and I were close, when he had turbo respect for me, treasured me. But once again, the enemy was allowed to steal that away. And my own stupid mouth helped the cause. I kinda think you should not have made us humans at all, Lord. We constantly let our own selves down… let alone the people we care about. I really just want to go HOME. There honestly does not seem to be one of those in THIS world. Heal me, faithful Shepherd. Help me forgive myself, help me FEEL forgiven — accepted, even. Help me battle the “shame monster” that is inside me, robbing me of peace and joy. I need you, Lord. I need my Real Husband.

Isaiah 54:5 ERV

Your real husband is the one who made you. His name is the LORD All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is your Protector, and he is the God of all the earth!

Lord, please help me let GO of the foolish romantic notion that a Mate is supposed to be someone with whom we connect so deeply that there is no room for criticism and rejection… only acceptance and understanding and compassion. How foolish of me! I think perhaps you reserve that special relationship for yourself alone. Even when a human is married to their human soul mate and live in a tiny camper together, there is STILL pain and misunderstanding and judgement. I don’t want to hurt like this again, Lord… will you please help me let GO of my foolish expectations? Thank you, Master. I still trust you completely, faithful Shepherd. YOU alone help your people grow past their ugliest faults. Heal me, Lord. Amen.


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