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Fran Lafferty

Fran Lafferty

I shall yet learn, and grow beyond the immaturity of adulthood. I shall again laugh, and learn the wisdom of a child.

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May 5

Lord, there seems to be this giant ball of hurt and shame that is weakening me, robbing me of joy and productivity. No, it’s not more than I can bear — but it does seem to be more than what I can THRIVE with. You see it all, you have been there with me through all of it, and you are with me now. No one need know the details, no one but you can heal me anyways. I only ask that you make me strong enough to cling to you and be cheerful enough, light enough to still be a good help meet to my Mate as he heals. Amen.

Galatians 5:13-26 ERV

My brothers and sisters, God chose you to be free. But don’t use your freedom as an excuse to do what pleases your sinful selves. Instead, serve each other with love. 
The whole law is made complete in this one command: “Love your neighbor the same as you love yourself.” 
If you continue hurting each other and tearing each other apart, be careful, or you will completely destroy each other. 
So I tell you, live the way the Spirit leads you. Then you will not do the evil things your sinful self wants. 
The sinful self wants what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit wants what is against the sinful self. They are always fighting against each other, so that you don’t do what you really want to do. 
But if you let the Spirit lead you, you are not under law. 
The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: committing sexual sin, being morally bad, doing all kinds of shameful things, 
worshiping false gods, taking part in witchcraft, hating people, causing trouble, being jealous, angry or selfish, causing people to argue and divide into separate groups, 
being filled with envy, getting drunk, having wild parties, and doing other things like this. I warn you now as I warned you before: The people who do these things will not have a part in God’s kingdom. 
But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person’s life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 
gentleness, and self-control.
There is no law against these kinds of things. 
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful self. They have given up their old selfish feelings and the evil things they wanted to do. 
We get our new life from the Spirit, so we should follow the Spirit. 
We must not feel proud and boast about ourselves. We must not cause trouble for each other or be jealous of each other. 

Lord, it seems to me now that speaking about the things I have endured is a form of “boasting”. Probably the thing that hurts the most in this lifetime is feeling unseen, unacknowledged — especially when so many people seek recognition — and get it! — for some of the same things that I feel go unrecognized in myself. It makes me feel alone, makes me feel like your “garbage people”. But I do not trust myself with these things. I am about to erase most of what I’ve written — for the umpteenth time recently — and just give it all to you instead. No one will know, except by reading this line, that so many of my posts these past weeks have been almost entirely deleted before making them public. It may remove some entertainment value from this little prayer blog, but it feels like the faithful thing to do. Remain unseen, unacknowledged. And get my recognition from you. Help me be strong and be faithful, Lord. Amen.


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