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Apr 7

Good morning, Father.
Thank you for another cool 60 degree humid morning, reminding me so much of my home state, Michigan. I have very much appreciated this winter in sunny Texas, and I look forward to another winter here again, but I truly do wish I could just hibernate through the long hot summer. Please help me not to worry about that, but just to trust you in all things. Help me to hang on to you and just allow YOU to write this story, and me to just be a character playing out my little part of your story. Help me know how to fill my time, when to push myself to work hard, and when to just relax and let things be as they are.

Ecclesiastes 2:20-26 ERV

So I became sad about all the work I had done. 
People can work hard using all their wisdom and knowledge and skill. But they will die and other people will get the things they worked for. They did not do the work, but they will get everything. That makes me very sad. It is also not fair and is senseless. 
What do people really have after all their work and struggling in this life? 
Throughout their life, they have pain, frustrations, and hard work. Even at night, a person’s mind does not rest. This is also senseless. 
There is no one who has tried to enjoy life more than I have. And this is what I learned: The best thing people can do is eat, drink, and enjoy the work they must do. I also saw that this comes from God. 
If people do good and please God, he will give them wisdom, knowledge, and joy.
But those who sin will get only the work of gathering and carrying things. God takes from the bad person and gives to the good person. But all this work is useless. It is like trying to catch the wind. 

Lord, I really do not see how you can do any good at all with me, my life, my business, my very BEING here any longer. I don’t feel sad or suicidal, I just feel useless, purposeless. Like Solomon, I feel like everything is vanity and vexation of spirit. Useless. Not even worth the effort of choosing between wearing glasses or contacts at that moment, both of which create their own problems and discomforts. Perhaps I am just tired of making decisions, in general. Perhaps I am desperate for more options or a clearer path — fewer but seemingly more worthy options. I definitely feel like I am at an “uckly duckling” stage again. Please help me survive, and to thrive — for those around me who might need me or derive some help from me, even if I never get to know I did help. Amen.


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