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Apr 29

Lord, I fear for my own self. I have been hit with a blow that seems to be capable of disintegrating everything around me and extending far into the future. I know you are quite capable of dissolving this crisis and restoring my hope, but I am so overwhelmed with grief right now that I cannot see any way that this can turn out well. I am just going to tuck my head into my little shell and wait for the storm to pass. I will focus only on the things I can actually control, like my own attitude and behavior. Please help me to not screw things up and make them any worse. Please let the waves of hurt, anger, and loss wash over me one at a time and cleanse me of foolish thoughts and anything else that tries to stand in me against your will and purpose. Although it hurts to think you could ask me to suffer this much MORE in this life, I will do my best to stand strong and remain faithful to you.

Job 6:8-13 ERV

“I wish I could have what I ask for. I wish God would give me what I want. 
I wish he would crush me— just go ahead and kill me! 
Then I would be comforted by this one thing: Even through all this pain, I never refused to obey the commands of the Holy One. 
With my strength gone, I have no hope to go on living. With nothing to look forward to, why should I be patient? 
I am not strong like a rock. My body is not made from bronze. 
I don’t have the power to help myself, because all hope of success has been taken away from me. 


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