Contact Fran:

Apr 27

Father, today I feel like NOT myself. I feel very small, cringey, and vulnerable — like a bug on a carcass in danger of being devoured by a lion. I know that sounds weird, but so is this feeling. I just feel kinda junky, but not entirely junk… kinda in the way, but yet not really in anyone’s way but my own. I think the best thing I can do today is to just ignore my feelings and try to do things that I know need to get done… and try to watch some shows, read some books, or do some art — something to try to “feed” myself a little bit. Hopefully, between work and play I will find myself with a more positive set of emotions. Please help me to give all this to you, faithful Shepherd. If it pleases you, it would be very nice to feel your Touch while I struggle forward. Thank you, Lord. I trust you completely. Amen.

 
Isaiah 5:29-30 ERV

The shouts of the enemy sound like the roar of lions. Like strong, young lions, they growl and grab their prey. The captives struggle and try to escape, but there is no one to save them. 
Then there is a roar as loud as the ocean waves, and the captives turn their faces to the ground. And there is only darkness closing in as the light fades away in a black cloud. 

 
Lord, it is frustrating that after all these years, all this healing and growth, I still sometimes feel the “bookends” of the annual cycle (May 1 and Nov 1). I know the average reader will make no sense of that, for which I am deeply appreciative. It is enough for me to have this struggle, alone. I am grateful that YOU save me, Lord, and I am grateful for my Mate’s willingness to TRY to be emotionally independent of me while I try to ignore my own emotions and just BE. Thank you for giving him the distraction of his solar power and other interests — things that are keeping him occupied so that he doesn’t need me so much. I still feel bad for withdrawing a bit, Lord. Please give me your Love, so that I still have it to give to others. I will do my best to give, knowing that you will not ever let me run dry. Thank you, Friend. Amen.

 

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