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Mar 6

Good morning, Lord.
Father, I feel like such a failure. It’s not that I’ve done anything so WRONG, but rather that I just can’t seem to get anything RIGHT! My car is dying and there is little chance that it will pass inspection, which means unless you work some miracle, I probably won’t have any means of transportation other than my own two feet — in just a few weeks! And my husband’s truck is falling apart, and he has to drive it hours every day, just to make money that he won’t even get for weeks yet. Lord, we trusted you. We kept asking you to guide us, looking to you all this time, praying together and praising you for every good thing, and even for many of the difficulties — chances to build our faith. But now, Lord, those people my husband has worked for for the last 2 months are holding back all the money he made, because THEY dropped the ball and went under, losing everything. And now we are two months behind on rent and facing eviction — again! It’s hard to hold onto faith, Lord, especially when I feel like so much of this is MY fault — that if only I were stronger, more stable, I would have been able to get a “real job” and be around people every day without getting crushed — and make more money to help support my family. And I’ve tried. Put in over a dozen applications this past week alone — even for jobs that I know may hurt me, physically or otherwise. And I’ve given it to you, trusting you anyways. Please help me to KEEP that faith, my Lord!

Psalm 56:3-4 ERV

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
I trust God, so I am not afraid of what people can do to me! I praise God for his promise to me.

Father, I look outside my kitchen window and see the tiny little wildflowers, and my heart swells with love for you! Then I come away from the window, back to my work, and my heart sinks in despair, seeing my own yucky self. It’s hard for me to see YOU in me right now. It’s hard to keep my head up, and not just GIVE up! But I refuse to stay down like this! I lift my sad little heart up to you, and put my broken self in your big, strong, powerful hands. I KNOW that you are Faithful! Even if I DO lose my home and car, I still have YOU, and I know you will never forsake me. I know that YOU know what you are doing, and I CHOOSE to TRUST you, my Father!! πŸ˜€

Romans 12:12-18 ERV

Be happy because of the hope you have. Be patient when you have troubles. Pray all the time.
Share with God’s people who need help. Look for people who need help and welcome them into your homes.
Wish only good for those who treat you badly. Ask God to bless them, not curse them.
When others are happy, you should be happy with them. And when others are sad, you should be sad too.
Live together in peace with each other. Don’t be proud, but be willing to be friends with people who are not important to others. Don’t think of yourself as smarter than everyone else.
If someone does you wrong, don’t try to pay them back by hurting them. Try to do what everyone thinks is right.
Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone.

Lord, I thank you for the miracle that my heart holds so little bitterness, and that you have made it relatively easy for me to resist the enemy these last few miserable days, when he has bombarded me with memories of all the times I have given away to others — even to “strangers” — giving away the very things that I find myself desperately needing right now. Mercy. Cheerfulness. A working car. Even a trailer in a safe mobile home park with low rent — no strings attached. And someone to cry with you, when you are down. And endless encouragement. Lord, I confess to you that it does HURT me that no one besides you is here with me, helping me when I need it — that you haven’t YET built in me a trust for other humans. But I won’t do it, Lord. I won’t allow the enemy’s bitterness to destroy the beautiful plants you have been growing in my garden. THANK YOU for helping me to just forgive, and stay humble, and trust in you, in your perfect timing. But Father, I really am really struggling with fear and with SHAME. I need help, Lord.

Luke 9:24-25 ERV

Any of you who try to save the life you have will lose it. But you who give up your life for me will save it.
It is worth nothing for you to have the whole world if you yourself are destroyed or lost.

Father, I keep thinking I understand these verses, and you keep bringing me to a deeper understanding of them. Lord, I roll over and give up the fight. You did not hold onto YOUR life, Jesus. You gave it freely for us, mere humans. So I let go of MY life and give it to you. You have kept me alive through head trauma and captivity and homelessness and so many horrible, unspeakable things. And you have somehow managed to keep my heart warm and full of love for you. Surely whatever I face in the days ahead cannot compare to ALL I’ve already been through, so I can trust you to bring me — and my heart — through all these things, too. I am yours, Lord. Thank you for chosing me.


2 comments to Mar 6

  • Melissa

    A heaviness so burdensome that the heart upon it weighs,
    Siphoning every bit of love along the path it paves,
    Seeking out light of any kind in darkened places,
    Reaching for the furthest part of lonely on their faces,
    Measure me some madness for it tends to stick around,
    Keep me silent here as it seems my thoughts are sound,
    Wither me away from everything I’m standing for,
    Until the last of day approaches me to stand no more

    There are many that bear the same burdens as yourself. Poetry for me is like a diary when I need to write. I want to encourage you today in hopes that it lifts your spirit. God hears your cries and He is faithful. Be strong sister for God indeed does love you. πŸ™‚

    • mirror_eyes

      Ooooh! Beautiful, Melissa! πŸ˜€
      Your words are a gift as well as an encouragement — thank you so much!
      If you have a website I can visit, let me know so I can perhaps encourage you in return.
      Thank you for lifting my spirit! :O>

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