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Dec 2

Good morning, Father.
Thank you for helping me through these days of up and down emotions and levels of exhaustion and feeling LOST. Thank you for joyful moments with my Mate, and thank you for helping me LET GO of moments that have not been so joyful. Thank you for helping me make it through some intense hours of despair, and thank you for the understanding and acceptance of my Mate’s family, despite my reluctance to expose myself so fully. I only pray that you let me be a witness and a help, rather than a burden or a source of confusion or doubt. Please cleanse me, Shepherd, so that your Love can shine through me less defiled by my human craziness. Amen.

Revelation 3:1-6 ERV

“Write this to the angel of the church in Sardis: “Here is a message from the one who has the seven spirits and the seven stars. “I know what you do. People say that you are alive, but really you are dead. 
Wake up! Make yourselves stronger before what little strength you have left is completely gone. I find that what you do is not good enough for my God. 
So don’t forget what you have received and heard. Obey it. Change your hearts and lives! You must wake up, or I will come to you and surprise you like a thief. You will not know when I will come. 
“But you have a few people in your group there in Sardis who have kept themselves clean. They will walk with me. They will wear white clothes, because they are worthy. 
Everyone who wins the victory will be dressed in white clothes like them. I will not remove their names from the book of life. I will say that they belong to me before my Father and before his angels. 
Everyone who hears this should listen to what the Spirit says to the churches. 

Lord, lately I feel kinda half-dead, not quite alive or at least not quite awake. I know I have had a LOT of change lately, and I am homeless and living out of fleece bags in the back of a pickup truck, and even that I have been forced to confront my biggest fear every day now for over a week, so perhaps I am just weary. Still, I do not want to be asleep or to fail you or be unfaithful in any way. I feel like I should be stronger, should be doing more, working harder… something MORE. My heart cries and I’m not really sure why. It could be all that I just mentioned, but the ache I’ve been feeling sometimes lately seems bigger than the sum of all those things combined. I don’t feel as much like Garbage People as I have lately, and I don’t feel as much like your punching bag. So I do not understand why these weak feelings in me persist. Please show me what you would have me to do or to learn during these days, Lord. Teach me how to serve you and your people better, and help me to grow past my own faults and weaknesses. I put myself in your hands, faithful Shepherd. Amen.


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