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Nov 29

Hello, Father.
I really do not understand why I must keep enduring, when I am so close to just giving up. WHY did you put me in this position where this, my greatest wound, keeps getting ripped open, over and over again? I feel like a fool, a joker, Garbage People. I have to hide my despair from those around me, in order to protect them from it. I do not get protection myself, I just have to protect them, serve them, nurture and support them. I hurt. Please help me be faithful. I feel like I am faltering.

Hosea 6:1-3 ERV

“Come, let’s go back to the LORD. He hurt us, but he will heal us. He wounded us, but he will put bandages on us. 
After two days he will bring us back to life. He will raise us up on the third day. Then we can live near him. 
Let’s learn about the LORD. Let’s try very hard to know him. We know he is coming, just as we know the dawn is coming. He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain that waters the ground.”

Lord, I feel so misunderstood, so unseen, unappreciated — like such a bitch for even FEELING this way!! Yet I would not wish this heartache on even the worst of my “enemies”. Those who are causing this situation I ask you to bless with peace and freedom, even as I ask you for the strength to endure their betrayal. Two sides of me are at war — one that wants to just die and one that holds out hope; one that is angry and hurt and one that just wishes to serve you and your people. Lord, please shorten this time of trial so that I may be able to endure. I am anxious to get back to JUST being homeless, without this added heartache. I am anxious to HEAL. Please hold my heart, Shepherd. Help me to be faithful. Amen.


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