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Nov 27

Hello, Father.
Please forgive me for being so angry, for feeling a bit abandoned by you – not because I am homeless, living in a popup camper, but because on top of that, I have to do it while constantly facing my greatest vulnerability, with my biggest fear dangling over my head able to drop and suffocate me at any second. I am still angry, Lord. I am hurt, feeling like your Garbage People once again. Every day I wonder if I will survive, or if I will do something stupid out of desperation. So far, you have faithfully given me the strength to make wise decisions and loving sacrifices, as they are needed. I do know you are Faithful and able to make this whole thing turn out better than I can ever foresee. Lord, please carry my heart through this time, help me to be willing, and humble, and not let the pain in my heart cause me to keep looking away from you, feeling betrayed. I know that is not true. It just hurts. Cleanse me, Lord. Strengthen me and give me perseverance. Please, if it be possible, increase my faith and help me to have hope that outweighs my fearful despair. Help me to just trust in you, and stop trying to figure things out. Amen.

 
Psalm 51:6‭-‬12 AMPC

Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean [ceremonially]; wash me, and I shall [in reality] be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness and be satisfied; let the bones which You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my guilt and iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.

 

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