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Jul 21

Good morning, Father.
Lord, is it okay that I am sick of myself today? I had a bad dream, woke up in despair, even panic, read your Word and felt grateful and joyous and even jubilant… and 2 hours later I am back to feeling discouraged, even heartbroken again. WHY? I know that you can do anything you like and yet you purposefully CHOSE to feel emotions yourself — and not just the good ones like Love, but even anger and regret. But I suppose you do NOT feel confusion. So I ask you to purify my emotions, even if it takes the rest of my life. I am sick of the confusing yo-yo of emotions, Lord. No matter how hard I try to keep my mind on you and upon the things you gave me to remember, my heart inevitably reverts to feeling weak and weary and weepy — those terrible W’s, lol. Is this just a phase, or can I expect to battle my own emotions for the rest of my life? What am I supposed to DO with them? Teach me, Shepherd. Thank you for your patience with little me!

Ezekiel 28:12-19 ERV

“Son of man, sing this sad song about the king of Tyre. Say to him, ‘This is what the Lord GOD says: “‘You were the perfect man— so full of wisdom and perfectly handsome. 
You were in Eden, the garden of God. You had every precious stone— rubies, topaz, and diamonds, beryls, onyx, and jasper, sapphires, turquoise, and emeralds. And each of these stones was set in gold. You were given this beauty on the day you were created. God made you strong. 
You were one of the chosen Cherubs who spread your wings over my throne. I put you on the holy mountain of God. You walked among the jewels that sparkled like fire. 
You were good and honest when I created you, but then you became evil. 
Your business brought you many riches. But they also put cruelty inside you, and you sinned. So I treated you like something unclean and threw you off the mountain of God. You were one of the chosen Cherubs who spread your wings over my throne. But I forced you to leave the jewels that sparkled like fire. 
Your beauty made you proud. Your glory ruined your wisdom. So I threw you down to the ground, and now other kings stare at you. 
You did many wrong things. You were a very crooked merchant. In this way you made the holy places unclean. So I brought fire from inside you. It burned you! You burned to ashes on the ground. Now everyone can see your shame. 
“‘All the people in other nations were shocked about what happened to you. What happened to you will make people very afraid. You are finished!'” 

Lord, I feel the pain in your words above. The pain of betrayal, the loss of something beautiful and pure. And there are so very many times your Word records your deepest sorrow, your broken heart over being Faithful, giving everything — more than you should ever be expected to give — and having your people reject you, turning instead to other, much less faithful “lovers” to fulfil their own desires. Lord, I do not want to add to your sorrows. I want to be found faithful to the end. Please help my heart be strong enough to hold fast to your teachings and to be a doer of your Word, not just a hearer only. Show me the way out of my own sorrows that seem to bind me. Help me to trust in you, hope in you, abide in you. Amen.


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