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Jul 15

Lord, I kinda don’t see the point. My heart hurts. I meet all kinds of people, and I enjoy them, enjoy seeing you in them, enjoy sharing you with them. But there’s this giant hole in my heart, and I feel incomplete, even obviously misshapen. It amazes me that it is so hidden from the world outside of my aching heart. But I suppose that is always the way of it. I am hanging here, feeling like I am on a cross with you, Jesus. I have to trust that you will either return to me what has been lost, or fill the void. You are faithful, and I can trust you to not leave me hanging here like this for longer than what is in your loving heart to allow. I pray that you not only heal and restore, but make it all NEW. I see pics from years ago, the freedom and joy and lightness and brilliant camaraderie. Before loss. So much loss. Faithful Shepherd, I give to you my heart and I trust you with it. Do to me what you will. But I ask you for the lightness back. I ask you for complete healing, for a fresh new start. I ask you for a restoration of all that has been lost. And I accept what you have to give me, no matter what. Prepare me and lead me in YOUR way, Oh Lord. Amen.

Luke 22:39-43 ERV

Jesus left the city and went to the Mount of Olives. His followers went with him. (He went there often.) He said to his followers, “Pray for strength against temptation.” 
Then Jesus went about 50 steps away from them. He knelt down and prayed, 
“Father, if you are willing, please don’t make me drink from this cup. But do what you want, not what I want.” 
Then an angel from heaven came to help him. 

Luke 22:42-43 KJV

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. 
And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

Lord, I know that these present trials I am facing are nothing compared to what you have suffered. Thank you for enduring all that you did, so that we may have a relationship with you and with the Father, and to live with the Breath of your awesome Holy Spirit. Thank you for being our High Priest. Thank you for being brother, friend, and Husband. Thank you for always being my Head, my cover, my protection, my Provider. Thank you for being the faithful Shepherd of your flock. Lord, please strengthen me — enischuo, above — invigorate me and give me a PLACE where I fit, a purpose in your plan, and a HOME in your Body. I look down and I see only one set of Footprints in the sand right now. Thank you for carrying me while I heal, while I wait for your restoration. Thank you for carrying my heart. I trust you completely. Amen.


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