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Jun 18

Lord, this wound seems too great for me, like it will surely swallow me up. Even though I have had very little sleep and have walked all over town today, I somehow doubt I could sleep even now. Sleep where? I have no home. Seems like I had a bit of one, just yesterday. But it all seems lost now, hopeless. My heart is broken yet again, and this time, I am not so willing to just roll over and let the same beasts pluck out my eyes. Lord, am I allowed to have a breaking point, where I just lay down and can take no more? Please show me how this is not my battle, Shepherd. Give me the discernment to know for certain just HOW I am to be faithful in this matter. My heart is too gross and swollen to see around it, and I REALLY do not want to return to that place of sorrows today. Father, I thank you so much for the awesome loving hearts I got to meet today, and I wish my heart would get out of the way so I could just gleefully thank you for the amazing miracle of me actually going to CHURCH for the first time in like 22 years! You certainly sent me to the right place, too, as I definitely felt your Love there. Thank you so much!

Galatians 3:2‭-‬4 ERV

Tell me this one thing: How did you receive the Spirit? Did you receive the Spirit by following the law? No, you received the Spirit because you heard the message about Jesus and believed it. You began your life in Christ with the Spirit. Now do you try to complete it by your own power? That is foolish. You have experienced many things. Were all those experiences wasted? I hope they were not wasted!

Lord, I am so weary. I sincerely am feeling like the experiences of my whole life, especially the last 6 years or so, have been wasted. I see no way forward, but yet I also know that I do not NEED to see. All I need do is keep listening to my Shepherd and follow your voice. Lord, can we rest somewhere new tonight, that I might be able to actually sleep? Father, even as I thank you for the miraculous comfort your people gave me this morning, I ask yet for more. I do not feel able to return “home” without taking my own life in utter despair. Please heal me enough to walk forward, Shepherd. I still trust you completely. Amen.


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