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May 18

Good morning, Lord.
Father, I am really struggling to keep looking to you and keep shining the light of your Love out through my eyes and heart and actions, to whomever I come in contact with. It really SEEMS like not only Love is dead in this world, so rare an expression, but also that Faith is dead as well, for so many, many people cross my path with, “Bless you, bless you” — and leave without even giving one tenth of one percent of their resources to help our needs. Father, you see everything. You judge fairly and justly, and YOU are my avenger — I have no desire for revenge myself, or even to have any knowledge of the punishment of others. You see the extent to which both my husband and myself have extended ourselves and our resources to help others throughout our lives, even while we have been desperately poor, both of us having a heart after you, showing YOUR compassion, proving our faith as in James chapter 2. You see how we have returned forgiveness and even aid to those who have done us harm. Lord, again I am feeling so very alone, as the light of your Love is growing dimmer even in my husband through the difficulty of our circumstance, as yet more and more people SAY they will meet with us to buy our things, to trade our vehicles for repair of Mr. D, — and we just lose more time and resources, waiting for them to arrive, and they never do. I feel wounded by all, Lord, except by you. You see even the things that burden my heart that I cannot even write on this blog. You see how my heart is crying, not wanting to grow cold and put up a wall to protect itself against the world’s harsh treatment and lack of Love and Faith. Help me, Lord. Let one soul that loves you reach out to me personally in some small way — soon — as a testimony to your living Spirit upon this earth, within your people, to help me have more HOPE and greater motivation to keep fighting back resentment. Thank you, Father, as I know that even while I ask for it, I actually do not NEED it — for you sustain me with your Word and your presence alone. Amen.

 
James 2:1-5, 14-17 ERV

My dear brothers and sisters, you are believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. So don’t treat some people better than others. 
Suppose someone comes into your meeting wearing very nice clothes and a gold ring. At the same time a poor person comes in wearing old, dirty clothes. 
You show special attention to the person wearing nice clothes. You say, “Sit here in this good seat.” But you say to the poor person, “Stand there!” or “Sit on the floor by our feet!” 
Doesn’t this show that you think some people are more important than others? You set yourselves up as judges—judges who make bad decisions. 
Listen, my dear brothers and sisters. God chose the poor people in the world to be rich in faith. He chose them to receive the kingdom God promised to those who love him. 
 
My brothers and sisters, if a person claims to have faith but does nothing, that faith is worth nothing. Faith like that cannot save anyone. 
Suppose a brother or sister in Christ comes to you in need of clothes or something to eat. 
And you say to them, “God be with you! I hope you stay warm and get plenty to eat,” but you don’t give them the things they need. If you don’t help them, your words are worthless. 
It is the same with faith. If it is just faith and nothing more—if it doesn’t do anything—it is dead. 

 
Lord, even while I know myself — or more like you in me — well enough to realize that even if I never ever receive one ounce of compassionate support from others, I will continue to pour it out to them — to almost every single person I ever meet. And I am grateful for that person or two each week who gives me a few words of sincere appreciation of the free printable materials I provide through my dozen-plus websites, and the few people each month who pay for the materials. I know I must look very foolish to the world, giving away what you’ve given to me, rather than hording it for myself or my family. I thank you for my son who gave much, and the two brothers (in Christ) who gave what they could. I thank you for other family and friends who have given in the past, and I thank you for the mercy of our landlord and the local authorities and neighbors. But Father, I am growing increasingly concerned that my heart may start to grow hard and less able to give your Love as abundantly, as freely and confidently as I have been to date. Please enlarge my heart and fill it with YOU — so that the well does not go dry. Thank you, compassionate Shepherd.

 
John 15:13 KJV

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

 
Lay down = prostrate, bow, or lay aside = as in Mark 8:35 (below)

 
Dear Shepherd, only you can see what that verse means to me, how it defines my life and my purpose — my CHOICE. Thank you for teaching me a small portion of what you yourself have suffered for your people, even for those who say they love you, yet continue to hurt and betray you. Just as you desired companions with you while you suffered, I too desire someone to be there for me — an actual human who actually comforts me. Yet I know that you are ENOUGH, Lord. You always have been. Thank you. I trust you completely. Do with me as you will. Teach me more of you.

 
Mark 8:35 ERV

Any of you who try to save the life you have will lose it. But you who give up your life for me and for the Good News will save it. 

 
Lord, our home is a vehicle with a bad clutch and flywheel. Please provide for our needs. Please guide us to the right parts and the right person to help with repairs. Please help us to sell the last of our things for good prices, rather than just losing them for nothing or for peanuts. Please sustain our hearts and don’t let us grow bitter and hard like the heart of the world. Keep us soft and supple and pleasing to you. Amen.

 

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