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Feb 28

Good morning, Father.
I am up before the sun again, heart in hand, offering the broken pieces to you. Father, you see all that we have been through, all that we are. My awesome husband with his big heart went way out of his way for every single customer and boss he worked for, then the company went under and never paid him for the last four to six weeks of his work, and things have gone downhill ever since. Then he drove his truck into the ground working for a man who again did not pay him, this time out of simple greed — and now my husband — your son! — has been without a vehicle and therefore without work, for over three months now. We’ve been trying to make it on my tiny income that is really only enough to pay for things BESIDES rent. Now we’ve used all we have to pay one month of rent and are still 2 months behind. It hurts, Lord. We have one month to sell everything we can before we get evicted. It seems impossible to make enough to get a working vehicle, let alone money for more rent on top of that. I could say a whole lot more, but WHY? My words do not matter. It is YOUR Word that matters. And You are Faithful, Shepherd. I still trust you completely. Even with my broken heart.

 
Psalm 109:21-28 ERV

My Lord GOD, treat me in a way that brings honor to your name. Save me because of your faithful love. 
I am only a poor, helpless man. I am so sad; my heart is broken. 
I feel my life is over, fading like a shadow at day’s end. I feel like a bug that someone brushed away. 
My knees are weak from fasting. I have lost weight and become thin. 
My enemies insult me. They look at me and shake their heads. 
LORD my God, help me! Show your faithful love and save me! 
Then they will know that you did it. They will know that it was your power, LORD, that helped me. 
They curse me, but you can bless me. They attacked me, so defeat them. Then I, your servant, will be happy. 

 
Father, I thank you for giving me little ways to break up my day and keep my chin up. I thank you for reminding me that I can still read little bits before the headaches begin. Some day, when I can afford new contacts or a pair of glasses, I will be able to read more, and I will rejoice! For now, I can take little 5 or 10 minute breaks and read a little bit, or watch a learning show, or do some physical exercise, to lift my spirits, help my heart. I can hug my husband or ask my daughter how she’s doing. I can sit on the porch and hear the birds. I can thank you for every little thing in my life that does not SUCK. Like I thank you for my art supplies that sit ready, waiting for me to feel free enough again — some day — to use them. I can thank you for my little 4 inch art cards, and how I’ve been able to do one each and every day, showing my heart that I still CARE about my art, I just don’t have enough to put into it right now. I can thank you for my computer that is still working MOST of the time, and still has close to 2 months left on its software lease. I can thank you for my awesome phone that only costs me $13 per month — yay! I can thank you for my awesome friend who lives across the country yet still warms my heart with her words in my email box. And I can thank you that I have three awesome sons who are unaffected by the poverty and other failings of their mother, for they are grown and no longer live with me. I wish I could visit them, Lord. But I guess that’s just something else I have to look forward to, some time in the future. Thank you for keeping me healthy and not letting me give up, Lord. Thank you for helping me make it through another day. Amen.

 

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