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Jan 27

Good morning, Father.
Well, today is my mother’s birthday. She’s been dead 7 years now, I can’t believe it!! She would have been 83 years old today, I believe. Happy birthday, Mom! I hope you are in a good place. I bet you are. 🙂

 
Matthew 5:8 KJV

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

 
When I was born, my father told my mother not to get attached to me. He didn’t expect me to live long. Not because I was ill, but because he had plans for me, starting almost immediately. He was in debt in more than one way, to more than one person. He could use me as “payment”. Of the reuseable type. Enough said. My mother did her best to comply. She did it so well that by the time I was 3 years old, I honestly didn’t know who my “mother” was. Closest thing I had was one of my older sisters, who had a heart for me, who tried to get me to see myself as something other than a “bad girl” (which is what I called myself). She left for the air force when I was 4.

I say these things not to accuse or blame, but to share a miracle. You see, I spent roughly the first 40+ years of my life resenting my mother. I felt as betrayed by her as I did my father. She didn’t protect me, constantly turned her face away from me and refused to acknowledge my suffering, even when I confided in her (at the age of 5) that I was bleeding from my “butt” and was terrified I was going to die. All she said was, “No. You CAN’T be. You’re too young for that.” I was crushed.

Due to my feelings of neglect and betrayal, I could not see anything good about my mother until just these last couple years. It actually began at her funeral. Someone was up on the stage, telling of how creatively fun-loving my mother was, in a silly way. How good she was with children. And with resentment (which still lingers a bit, here), I remembered her playing with my own children, being silly, making up little games and songs — which she never had done with me. The old heaviness she always had in my presence was gone when I “caught” her interacting with my children. By the time of her funeral, I had already published thousands of pages of colorful, printable worksheets, activities, and games for children and their parents and teachers. I was NOT willing to see any connection between my mother’s character and MY livelihood! It seemed unfair, like the person on the stage was giving credit for my success to my mother’s genes. Cruel!!

Then a few years later one of my sons remarked that my own daughter (his sister) is “sweet”. Again I felt resentful, but didn’t even understand why. But over the last 4 years or so, as I’ve watched my daughter develop into a young woman, all the little puzzle pieces have begun to settle into place. I now see that this “sweetness” and that light, playful, unashamed silliness are two sides of the same coin, two manifestations of the same general genetic trait, which my mother did indeed pass to me, and which I in turn passed to my daughter and to one extent or another to my sons as well. I have no real, scientific name for this trait. I call it a “pure heart”. It is a simple innocence, an almost inability to do anything “bad”, especially anything that might hurt some person or animal. It is an ability to forgive easily and “go down the road”, even to bend over backwards to help someone who has only just recently hurt us. I have begun to respect this quality in my daughter, and to recognize its origin in my mother. THAT is a miracle!!! God’s Word and His healing touch definitely CAN change our blinded hearts — yay!!! 😀

 

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