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Nov 5

Good morning, Father.
Well, it was definitely the gratitude yesterday that helped so much, not just the fresh air and exercise. I know this for certain because once again I had a struggle last night, woke up grumpy and down on myself. But I did even a little more exercise than yesterday, and went for even a bit longer of a walk today, getting even more fresh air. But I feel slow, sluggish, and still very, very down on myself. It feels like I do not have the energy to carry on a list of thanksgivings. The few I did utter did not alter my sour mood. So I really must pause and do some serious attitude adjustment, praising God for everything I can think of that does not outright SUCK in my life right now — and maybe even several that DO. đŸ˜›

Job 2:7-10 ERV

So Satan left the meeting with the LORD and gave Job painful sores all over his body, from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head.
Job sat on the pile of ashes where he was mourning and used a piece of broken pottery to scrape his sores.
His wife said to him, “Are you still holding on to your faith? Why don’t you just curse God and die!”
Job answered, “You sound like one of those fools on the street corner! How can we accept all the good things that God gives us and not accept the problems?” So even after all that happened to Job, he did not sin. He did not accuse God of doing anything wrong.

Thank you, Lord, that I am in a much better situation than Job. I have not just lost all my children. Thank you for all four of my awesome kids!! Thank you for their health and their safety, and for communication with each one! Thank you for making each one of them such awesome people that I can be proud of, and thank you for giving me good relationships with each one! I have also NOT just lost everything I have, like Job. I may not have much, and may be horribly, painfully sick of living in poverty and not being able to afford eye care and dental care and clothes that are not old and tattered — or a car! — but I still have what I DO have — a roof over my head that doesn’t leak in too many places, a floor under my feet that hasn’t completely fallen through, even though I do have to watch where I step — and good enough clothes to wear and good enough food to eat. I have good enough health and none of my utilities are threatening to be shut off. Thank you, Lord, for my love of learning and for my computer that sort-of works — well enough that I can get some work done each day. Thank you, Lord, for my art supplies and time today to do art if I can get myself to do it.

Father, I do not know why my heart is so heavy, why I feel so down and discouraged. Every thing I try to thank you for seems to have a negative side. Please help me to continue to thank you for the next several hours or however long it takes to break out of this miserable state that I am in, feeling sorry for myself, wishing I was in a different life situation and not thankful ENOUGH for what I have. Help me to be more SINCERELY grateful, Lord. Amen.


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