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Jan 22

Good morning, Lord.
Thank you so much for the awesome close fellowship with you this morning! Please be with my husband today, very very closely, and give him your peace and joy in his heart. I do not like it how he takes out his frustration on me when he gets stressed, but I am grateful that it is limited to words and tone of voice and does not extend to physical violence against my person or my peeps. Lord, please clear up this little issue between us. You see my heart. You know that I WANT to honor him and please him and help him — but that I must also be true to you and to myself. I give the whole thing to you, trusting it completely in your hands. Thank you for being here always, my Lord! 😀

Romans 12:8-12 ERV

Whoever has the gift of comforting others should do that. Whoever has the gift of giving to help others should give generously. Whoever has the gift of leading should work hard at it. Whoever has the gift of showing kindness to others should do it gladly.
Your love must be real. Hate what is evil. Do only what is good.
Love each other in a way that makes you feel close like brothers and sisters. And give each other more honor than you give yourself.
As you serve the Lord, work hard and don’t be lazy. Be excited about serving him!
Be happy because of the hope you have. Be patient when you have troubles. Pray all the time.

“Giving more honor to others” here is represented by the Greek words time proegeomai, “value in front of”. Strong’s mentions giving deference to — yielding or submitting to another, to their judgements. This idea of submission is a touchy subject for most women, including myself. And I must admit that today more than most days, I feel resentful of my low position in life and in my family already — and it is very difficult to think how I could yield any further. Still, it is a matter of the heart and attitude, not just actions. Yet I wonder, where is the boundary? Yes, I let my husband do whatever he wishes and really try not to judge or criticize him. Of course, I do this imperfectly. The only things I perceive that I stand firm on and get ruffled by are those that involve MYSELF personally, usually ONLY myself and not even really touching him. If he wants to spend all our money (or a whole lot of it) on some investment or other purchase, I do not argue. Let him do it. I accept his judgement and if I fear, I just trust God. But if my husband wants ME to wash the dishes with a particular scrubbing implement instead of the one I prefer, I get radically pissed off! What RIGHT has he to put the burden of HIS preference on me?! In my mind, I have very, very good reasons for my choice, and he won’t even be present for the vast majority of times I make this small decision — to do it his way or my way. Many times, I just submit — at first bitterly, over time more humbly. But there ARE those things that I simply cannot seem to yield to. Things I feel are ridiculous or dishonest or disrespectful. Am I wrong to honor myself and my own heart and my peace of mind in SOME things, Lord? If my husband wants me to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable within myself, and your Word is not clear on the matter, how can I know if I am being stubborn and selfish — or acting rightly? Teach me, Lord. Comfort me, Holy Spirit. Please just cleanse my worried heart from this unnecessary heaviness, Lord. Help me to truly GIVE this to you, to let you have it. To trust you. 🙂


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