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Oct 26

Good morning, Lord.
I thank you for this most awesome weather we’ve been having lately! Thank you for being with me during the night, when I really needed a friend, a companion, and someone to help me stay calm and see the bigger picture. Thank you for reminding me of all the notes I have left myself on Evernote, to help guide myself out of irrational emotion, back into right thinking and merciful Love. Thank you for making my fever go away and please help me to eat the right foods and do the right things to stay healthy and not get the sickness my husband brought home. Please strengthen him, Lord, inside and out. Show your awesome enduring mercy and heal him, help his body fight off this infection. Help me to see beyond the hurt in my heart from his caustic words, and please show me what I can do to help him. I give you my “rights” and my honor, Lord. You are my defender. You are my honor. You are my eternal husband. Amen.

Isaiah 54:5-10 ERV

Your real husband is the one who made you. His name is the LORD All-Powerful. The Holy One of Israel is your Protector, and he is the God of all the earth!
“Like a woman whose husband has left her, you were very sad. You were like a young wife left all alone. But the LORD has called you back to him.” This is what your God says.
“For a short time I turned away from you, but with all my love I will welcome you again.
I was so angry that for a while I did not want to see you. But now I want to comfort you with kindness forever.” The LORD your Savior said this.
“Remember, in Noah’s time I punished the world with the flood. But I made a promise to Noah that I would never again destroy the world with water. In the same way, I promise that I will never again be angry with you and say bad things to you.
“The mountains may disappear, and the hills may become dust, but my faithful love will never leave you. I will make peace with you, and it will never end.” The LORD who loves you said this.

These are some of my favorite verses in the whole Bible. Very comforting, like a giant hug from my eternal Father, my eternal Husband, my Lord, my Shepherd. At this moment, I cannot remember ever feeling God be this angry with me, lashing out at me, condemning me or refusing me, like in the verses above. He does not ever treat me with ultra-human “Tough Love”. He knows that harshness just pushes me away, closes me up, turns on my feisty independence — however foolish that knee-jerk reaction may be. If I am truly in rebellion, He just lets me walk on without Him, knowing that eventually I will notice He is not beside me, and will turn and seek Him. And I always do. He trained me from my childhood to know how badly I truly need Him. My family spilt my blood and dedicated me to a demon before I could even roll over in the crib. Perhaps THAT is the moment when God was angry and withdrew from me, because ever since (since I was aware, at the age of 3), I’ve never known Him to NOT be there. Because His Son spilt his own blood and dedicated me to HIMSELF, chose me for Himself before I was even born. He’s never let me down. I’ve only known times when I walk away from HIM — foolishly, but temporarily. Thank you, Lord, for drawing me back to you every time. Thank you for training me to hear your voice, Shepherd. I still have so much to learn! Thank you for never giving up on me, even when I have been foolish enough to walk away from you. Thank you for your mercy, Lord. Thank you for your Love.


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