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Oct 23

Lord, it is hard not knowing what is happening to my husband and daughter. It is hurtful of them not to respond to my texts, not to send me even one single line in all these hours, letting me know they are okay. They could have gotten in a car accident or pulled over by cops, or even broken down somewhere. I find it so difficult to understand how anything could happen to so overwhelm BOTH of them that neither one thinks to send me some word of their whereabouts, their change of plans. I thought they’d be home by midnight, and here it is 8am. I feel hurt and confused and worried — and yet I do feel your peace, Lord. I thank you that at least YOU think about me, reassure me. Thank you, Shepherd.

Mark 4:26-32 ERV

Then Jesus said, “God’s kingdom is like a man who plants seed in the ground.
The seed begins to grow. It grows night and day. It doesn’t matter whether the man is sleeping or awake, the seed still grows. He doesn’t know how it happens.
Without any help the ground produces grain. First the plant grows, then the head, and then all the grain in the head.
When the grain is ready, the man cuts it. This is the harvest time.”
Then Jesus said, “What can I use to show you what God’s kingdom is like? What story can I use to explain it?
God’s kingdom is like a mustard seed, which is smaller than any other seed on earth that you can plant.
But when you plant it, it grows and becomes the largest of all the plants in your garden. It has branches that are very big. The wild birds can come and make nests there and be protected from the sun.”

Lord, it does seem that the enemy uses some of the same tactics as you, only in a warped and perverted way. He plants a little seed of doubt, or anger, or pride, and before you know it, that seed can turn into a huge plant that crowds out everything else in your mind. I can feel it trying to work in me right now. I have little seeds of worry and wounded pride trying to grow in me, and if you do not help me, Lord, they may come out as harsh lashings of my tongue, scolding my husband when he finally makes contact with me and tells me what he’s been doing for the last 8 hours that he was expected to be home. Why he didn’t call or even send a few words of a text, or even tell my daughter to send me one, at least. Mostly, I feel hurt, and I can feel the enemy whispering, “See? I TOLD you that you don’t really matter to anyone, that you are ineffective, incompetent, useless!!” But I know that is not YOU, Lord. You have comforted me during the night, helping me sleep instead of worry. And you are encouraging me now, to lay down my “rights” to be treated better, to be kept “in the loop”, to be reassured and kept current on “the plan”. But we are all just human, Lord. And we fail each other. And since you are my Master, it is really YOU that holds my “rights” — not me. You are my defender, my protector, my shield, my strength. I lay down my “rights” at your feet, and I forgive my husband and daughter for not thinking of me. It is more important that YOU are thinking of me — and that I am thinking of YOU and not just myself. Thank you, Lord, for teaching me. Amen.


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