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Oct 19

Good morning, Father.
Thank you for the nice morning walks I’ve been having lately, and thank you for encouraging my art and my learning. Father, please help me not to get overly discouraged with my lack of income, but to keep doing what you have given me to do. I feel betrayed by my online business which I have been nurturing for 12 years now, and I feel frustrated and even disgusted. Part of me wishes I could just sell the whole thing and not touch another K-12 topic ever again — especially Spanish!! Still, it is obvious that the ease with which I create new products is still there, it is just the fact that there is NO reward for doing it, that is killing my motivation and desire to create them. Lord, is it YOU that is pushing me away from my educational websites — or is it the enemy trying to discourage me and steal my fruit? Help me see, Lord. Guide me, Shepherd. My heart hurts.

2 Chronicles 32:5-8 ISV

Hezekiah took courage and rebuilt all of the walls that had been broken down. Then he erected watch towers on them, and added another external wall. He fortified the terrace ramparts in the city of David and prepared a large number of weapons and shields.
He appointed military officers to take charge of the people, who gathered them together in the square near the city gate and spoke to them encouragingly,
Be strong and courageous. Don’t be afraid or disheartened because of the king of Assyria or because of the army that accompanies him, because the one who is with us is greater than the one with him.
He only has the strength of his own flesh, but the LORD our God is with us to help us and to fight our battles.” So the people were encouraged from what King Hezekiah of Judah told them.

Lord, I started the “adult” segment of my walk with you soon after my first son was born, when you showed me how you are mightier and more worthy to be served than the grandest portrayal of King Arthur of Camelot. Now, both my adult son and myself are facing grave despair and discouragement, feeling like the path we have been walking is completely crumbling and falling away. Neither of us seem to have an alternate path, Lord. My son can go live at his best friend’s parents’ house and perhaps move to Colorado, but he lost his writing job and it may even appear to him that he has failed at writing, as it appears to me that I have failed at running an online business. He has sunk the last 6 years or so into an English education and writing career, and I have sunk a dozen years into my business. However, I do realize that all these things are mere appearances. I realize that we cannot know you or your ways, except through your Spirit. Therefore, I ask that you have your Spirit encourage both me and my son in the paths that YOU have for us, Lord. Show your mighty power by intervening on our behalf and restoring us each to a place where we can put our time and effort into something, feeling more certain that You are behind it, blessing it, Lord. Amen.


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