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Sep 6

Lord, I don’t feel very awesome, and I am sorry if this is letting you down. I feel like I SHOULD be grateful for what I have, but I am struggling with disappointment and self-pity. I don’t feel like this place is “home” anymore and in fact I feel increasingly more homesick all the time. Yet I have no new home to go to. In fact, we are STILL behind on rent and bills and I STILL am not making hardly any money, despite working myself like crazy on the Spanish Trading Cards. I am kinda glad my husband talked me into taking a break from them yesterday evening, but I am having a hard time not resenting working on them today. I’m just so disappointed and discouraged, Lord. It is starting to HURT seeing all these rich houses and nice cars all over the place, while I have NO car and basically live in a shack. And yet I am your child, one of the Beloved. I trust you, that you have a reason for our ongoing poverty. And I AM grateful that neither my husband nor I have an urge to horde up money and other “treasures”. But it really hurts my heart right now, Lord, that I am still THIS dirt-poor even though I am always looking to you, always doing whatever it is you give me to do, even when it means going out of my comfort zones. What am I missing, Lord? Help me return to a place of gratitude and trust. Help me to read and reread the following Psalm, and please let it breathe the freedom of your Truth into me.

Psalm 49 ERV

To the director: A song from the Korah family. Listen to this, all you nations. Pay attention, all you people on earth.
Everyone, rich and poor, listen to me.
I have some very wise words for you. My thoughts will give you understanding.
I listened to these sayings. And now, with my harp, I will sing and make the hidden meaning clear.
Why should I be afraid when trouble comes? There is no need to fear when evil enemies surround me.
They think their wealth will protect them. They brag about how rich they are.
But no one has enough to buy back a life, and you cannot bribe God.
You will never get enough money to pay for your own life.
You will never have enough to buy the right to live forever and keep your body out of the grave.

Look, the wise die the same as fools and stupid people. They die and leave their wealth to others.
The grave will be their new home forever. And how much land they owned will not make any difference.
People might be wealthy, but they cannot stay here forever. They will die like the animals.
That is what happens to all who trust in themselves and to anyone who accepts their way of life. Selah
They are just like sheep, but the grave will be their pen. Death will be their shepherd. When morning comes, the good people will enjoy victory, as the bodies of the proud slowly rot in the grave, far away from their fancy houses.
But God will pay the price to save me from the grave. He will take me to be with him. Selah
Don’t be afraid of people just because they are rich. Don’t be afraid of people just because they have big, fancy houses.
They will not take anything with them when they die. They will not take their wealth with them.
A wealthy man might tell himself how well he has done in life. And other people might praise him.
But the time will come for him to die and go to his ancestors. And he will never again see the light of day.
Wealthy people don’t seem to understand that they will die like the animals.


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