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Dark Night

Lord, this night is hard. So many people in my world are suicidal or suffering at the hand of despair. My own daughter is attacking me, blaming me, despite my insistence on respecting her, treating her as I would wish YOU to treat me, Lord. I have given my very best to everyone I know, and it isn’t making any difference to any of them. I am completely alone except for you. But yet that does not bother me. Because YOU are ENOUGH!!! Lord, I would trade my own sanity and safety to make the suffering of my peeps be lessened. Yet I know you do not work that way. I know that if only they would let go, roll over, give up, stop fighting and give it to YOU… they would break through their walls and barriers. Like I have had to, so very painfully many times. Why can I not give my past victories over to my peeps, let them climb over me to get to YOU? to FREEDOM? I know. Because you have already laid the way, paved the road. Done the work. I can add nothing. All I can do is pray, and perhaps weep as you once did, for your Friends. Your Peeps. Your heart has been where mine is. Help them, Lord. I grow weary of hearing their laments and their bitter anger! Their pain is heavier to me than their blame or shaming me. I am TORN between crying with my peeps, and embracing the JOY you hold out to me! Help me learn what to do in this place, Lord. I want to follow you. Even more, I want THEM to follow you. To know your peace, and find REST. Carry my heart for them, Lord, for it is more than my human heart can hold. :O<

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